Today I attended a workshop on Blogging which was presented by an outstanding writer. Unfortunately, when I entered the room, I was aware of my own bully, a colleague, who sat at my table. As reported in my last post, about bullys in the work or professional environment,my bully fits the description of the Narcissistic Adult Bully. This bully “is self-centered and does not share empathy with others as a result of their behavior.” “They think highly of themselves and has a need to put others down to maintain their level of importance.” As a highly respected member of the community, it is most difficult to report or acknowledge such a person’s behavior to others. Therefore, I did choose to send this bully a letter explaining his actions and how much I was hurt. This letter was not acknowledged nor was the email that was sent after I encountered this individual at another event. This category of adult bully finds it most difficult to acknowledge his behavior. As most victims of a bully, and cited in my last blog, ” Bullys do not wish to address their behavior and any attempt to describe their behavior and how much you have been hurt is useless and unproductive. My only recourse, due to his prominence and pompous self regard, is to continue to ignore and distance myself from this bully. Perhaps forgiveness will diminish my pain but the memory of this painful encounter will always remain in my heart and in my soul.
As revealed in my last post, I did plan to discuss the adult bully within the family. This bully could be described as a spouse, a parent, an uncle, an aunt or even a grandparent. The pain that is inflicted upon their victims is similar to the fear, intimidation and humiliation that is experienced in the work setting. However, the victim suffers more due to the fact that this bully is a family member who is suppose to love and respect them.
As described in the definition of a bully, it is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions. Dysfunctional families do engage in such behavior in the form of child abuse, spousal abuse and geriatric abuse. All family members are at risk for such pain and suffering if there is a bully in residence. We have all been aware of such horror stories on the media almost daily. Perhaps we have lived with and have been subjected to a bully in your family. I have described family bullies within my own family in my book, FAMILY SECRETS: A JOURNEY OF GOOD AND EVIL and if you wish to learn more about this experience, I do provide information on my book on my website, family secrets.tateauthor.com
In my next post, I will continue with more information and interventions on the topic of the adult bully within the family. Your voice and what you are feeling would be greatly appreciated.
Dr. Fran White Wants to Know What You Are Feeling? 