Yes, indeed, these photos as shown above are most frightening, generating the reaction to “Watch Out!” This post will attempt to identify the male bully in the family and to assist victims in identifying and observing such behavior patterns.
Bullying is not a behavior that is seen exclusively on the playground since the adult bully never stops the bullying behavior and will tend to bring these dysfunctional patterns into their family system. For such a long time, men with bullying behaviors have been perceived as just “having a bad temper”, who rightfully exhibit frustrations with those in his family. Society has minimized such behavior as immature, child-like actions and described the bully as “Boys will be boys”, or “That’s just how men are.” These male bullies are more focused on their own feelings and image of self-importance and power than on how others are effected by their actions. Unfortunately, the female victims of these bullies are saddled with the responsibilities of working and caring for their children and possibly financially dependent on these men. These women tend to swallow their feelings of abuse and bullying rather than express them for fear of retaliation.
As noted in the photos, bullies can use physical abuse as well as emotional abuse to control their victims and to establish their power over the family as well as the spouse. Physical bullying is defined as an act of physical aggression that causes injury such as beatings, slapping, kicking , pushing, hair pulling, use of objects that cause pain such as a belt or burning the skin with cigarettes or a hot iron. Sexual abuse such as the rape of the wife and sexual assault without consent is, indeed, defined as physical bullying.
Emotional bullying is more difficult to detect as well as clearly and rationally reported it to others. The impact of such bullying is enormous and will endure for a very long time. Such bullying is observed as name calling, threatening, the use of foul language toward the victim on a regular basis, shouting, ignoring, neglect, isolating the victim from family and friends and the extensive use of drugs and alcohol which significantly increases bullying and violence. The use of threats is a frequent method of controlling the victim. Children within a family with a bully are additional victims of abuse since they are witnessing the emotional as well as the physical violence of the bully. These family members may emulate the bully and such behavior is repeated at school or on the playground.
If this Bully Monster is victimizing you or someone you know, intervention is needed immediately! The bully cannot acknowledge his abusive behavior because he does not recognize the impact of what he is doing. Therefore, if he cannot acknowledge the behavior, he cannot change the behavior. The victim must take action and get out of the relationship in order to protect herself and her children. The victim deserves a life free of fear and abuse and needs to develop a plan of action to vacate and to have available telephone numbers for the police and a battered women’s shelter. The bully will not and cannot change his behavior by the victim’s intervention only. Clinical intervention is relevant in order to help the bully overcome his violent and destructive behavior and perhaps regain his spouse and family.
Please do let us hear your voice and what you are feeling about this topic. Next time, I will be continuing to discuss this topic but I will focus on the female bully as well as the children in the family and how bullying effects their emotional development.
One thought on “Watch Out! The Monster Bully in the Family is Coming!!??”
I divorced an emotionally abusive man who had started to become physically abusive with one of our children. I had no idea I was in an abusive relationship. It’s taken a long time to come to grips with how I wound up there. I am a feminist with a graduate degree. For so long, I thought he was troubled and I didn’t help enough. It’s has been a while since the divorce, and I still have moments of anxiety related to former behaviors. I have to tell myself it’s okay if I am running five minutes late, if the cheese slides a little bit on the pizza I drive home. It is insidious, but you don’t feel it happening.