NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!

I have written a number of blog posts and one of them was on the topic of motivation and never giving up on your dreams. As the term implies, “Physician heal thy self”, I am clinical psychologist who is currently struggling with issues centering on failure, motivation and how to follow my life long motto of “Never Give Up”.

I will now disclose my intimate confession of personal failures with the hope of not soliciting pity but encouraging my readers to find their own solutions and strategies in never giving up.

Failure number one, independently marketing and publicizing my first novel, FAMILY SECRETS: A JOURNEY OF GOOD AND EVIL. My website, familysecrets.tateauthor.com, will describe this fictional autobiography which I did pour my heart into and, in spite of the challenges of struggling with cancer survival, I did invest much energy into publicizing and marketing this book but with little success.

My motto, never give up, has now been applied to my next book, a children’s series with the first book entitled, NICKI NICES BULLY. I did submit a number of blog posts on this subject and the story is based on my granddaughter, Nicole’s, experiences as a victim of bullies. The website for this book is nickinicesbully.tateauthor.com. I do intend to focus much energy in the publicity and  marketing of this book as well. Never Give Up!

My next experience with failure has been this very blog site which has not reached more than five readers who did not add any comments to over twenty-four posts that have been published. It has been some time since I dared to venture back to WordPress and create another blog post if so few readers wish to hear my voice. Never Give Up! Yes, I am honored to share my views and experiences with those readers who care to visit my Blog. Thank you, Thank you and never give up on me because I do promise to find enticing and informative topics to share with you.

Perhaps you can relate to feelings of failure and the desperation of finding a way to “pick yourself up and start all over again!” Motivation takes energy and, most of all, trust in yourself that what you have attempted to accomplish will, indeed, happen, some time soon. It just takes time, repetition and belief in yourself that you do have the ability to achieve success in whatever it is that you dream of and aspire to accomplish. NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!

Parents: Our First Responders

isis children.jpg 640×371 pixelsAs a therapist, psychologist and cancer survivor, I am profoundly shocked and effected by the rage and destructive behavior of some of our young people who inflict violence upon innocent victims!

Such dysfunctional actions caused by both genetics and environmental factors precipitate violent actions in our world. Some of these horrific perpetrators are motivated to kill, injure and traumatize their victims by their  by their abusive and painful social histories, their past. Most of these enraged young people have been physically and emotionally victimized themselves by caregivers and by entrusted individuals in their past lives. Their extreme rage is displaced upon others who, in their distorted minds, are representatives of their painful memories and suffering.

These mentally ill and destroyed minds are numerous and found throughout the world, not just in our country. In the media each day, we are presented with irrate young people beheading, bombing and torturing  innocent victims including  beautiful  and innocent young children . Some of the political leaders in the Middle East are themselves afflicted with mental illness rooted in their early years of childhood abuse and the absence of love with role models of violence. All of these lost souls or thugs in gangs entitled , ISIS , CALIBAN , HAMAS and AL QUEDA are led by manical devils who are filled with rage and retaliation for their lives of poverty and the absence of love and nurturance .  Such rage is directed at innocent victims such as Americans as reflected by 9/11. Within our own country and regions, we continue to witness this tragedy and rage as demonstrated by college massacres, the Baltimore  crisis in April which resulted in fires, police and firemen assaults and destruction of businesses and the lives of innocent people by disturbed young adults and teens.

Our country, our world, as in my analysis, exhibits this cancer of violence precipitating the suffering and death of innocent people including the perpetrators.  All of the proposed interventions such as gun control will not end the growth of this cancer that surrounds us. The only prescription in the termination of this disease of violence is to treat the dysfunction  that is plaguing our world. Our government needs to become proactive and increase our Mental Health programs and initiate early intervention in childhood and identify and treat these potential terrorists who begin to displace their misguided rage and anger in nursery school before they move on to the college campus. Parents are, indeed, the first and only FIRST RESPONDERS who need to honestly observe, accept and acknowledge  the behaviors of their precious angels and report such unusual and inappropriate behaviors to trained clinicians. These fallen angels need immediate treatment before they develop into candidates for the welcoming arms of the ISIS gang or their local gang of violent”family” members of other disturbed peers.

Parents need to closely monitor their children with an acute awareness of their child’s behavior patterns, media influences and questionable role models. Knowledge is power and the power to love, guide and, yes, intrude upon their children’s privacy and protect them from the cancer of violence and a devastating future.

Yes, a comprehensive mental health program that reaches out to all citizens at every economical level would be costly but saving lives is more relevant than counting pennies. Just ask any family member of the victims of the violence that we are witnessing on the social media each day. My only hope is that the opinion and suggestions of just one individual will influence our politicians to  act quickly in the increase of Mental Health funding to reach all needy individuals afflicted by this cancer of violence and prevent any further destructive incidents. This travesty could touch upon your life and your family at any moment, in any location. Knowledge is power!! Please do contact your legislative representatives NOW!

The Cancer of Violence

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VIOLENCE ON CAMPUS

It has been some time since the psychologist found her motivation as noted in the theme of my last posts about motivation. Yes indeed, I have found my motivation to continue writing in my Blog with the recent violence that is enveloping us. I was motivated enough to send this piece to my local newspaper to be published in order to have others, especially the politicians, hear my voice !

As a local therapist, psychologist and cancer survivor, I am profoundly shocked and significantly effected by the rage and destructive behavior of our young people inflicting violence upon innocent victims!

Such dysfunctional actions effected and caused by both genetics or environmental causations are relevant factors precipitating violent actions. These horrific perpetrators are motivated to kill, injure and traumatize their victims  by their abusive and painful social histories, their past. Most of these enraged people  have been physically and emotionally victimized themselves by caregivers and entrusted individuals in their past life. Their extreme rage is displaced upon others who, in their distorted minds, are representatives of their painful memories and suffering.

These mentally ill and destroyed minds are numerous and found throughout the world, not just in our country . In the media each day, we are presented with irate young people beheading, bombing and torturing innocent victims including beautiful and innocent young children. Some of the political leaders in the Middle East are themselves afflicted with mental illness rooted in their early years of childhood abuse and the absence of love with role models of violence. All of these lost souls or thugs in gangs entitled ISIS , Taliban, Hamas and Al Queda are lead  by maniacal devils who’s are filled with rage and retaliation for their lives of poverty  and the absence of love  and nurturance. Such rage is directed at innocent victims  such as Americans as reflected by 9/11. Within our own country and regions , we continue to witness this tragedy and rage as demonstrated by college massacres, the Baltimore riot in April which resulted in fires, police and firemen assaults and destruction to businesses and the livelihood of innocent people by disturbed people.

Our country, our world as in my analysis,this a cancer of violence precipitated by the suffering and death of innocent people including the perpetrators. All of the proposed interventions such as gun control will not end the growth of this cancer that surrounds us. The only prescription in the termination of this disease is to treat the dysfunction that is plaguing our world . Our government needs to become proactive and increase our Mental Health programs and initiate early intervention in childhood and identify and treat these potential terrorists who begin to displace their misguided rage and anger in nursery school before they move on to the college campus. Parents are, indeed, the first and only “first responders” who need to honestly observe , accept and acknowledge the behaviors of their precious angels and report such unusual and inappropriate behaviors to trained clinicians. These fallen angels need immediate treatment before they develop into candidates for the welcoming hands of the ISIS gang or their local gang of violent “family” members of disturbed peers.

Parents need to closely monitor their children with an acute awareness of their child’s  behavior pattens, media influences and questionable role models. Knowledge is power! Do contact your representatives NOW!

Please do let us hear your voice on this post and tell us what’s your feeling.

Heal Thy Self: A Psychologist’s Search for Motivation

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Yes! Clinicians and psychologists experience just the same problems that our patients have and we also struggle to resolve these issues such as motivation and attempts to follow mottos such as “Never Give Up” as noted in past postings.

At this time in my life I am, indeed, searching for the energy and motivation to reach my own goals after a battle with a disabling illness which has zapped my strength. Besides health issues, one can also lose motivation due to depression and other life challenges. As the saying goes, “Clinician heal thy self “. I have desperately researched the internet for answers to this problem for myself, my patients and my readers and have found the following seven prescriptions on the search for motivation.

1. Focus on One Goal: Selecting a multitude of goals is a common mistake made and this action does diminish one’s energy and focus.
Channeling your energy on one goal will produce a more positive outcome.

2. Generate Inspiration and Excitement: Learn about others who have found success in reaching your goal by utilizing the internet to
locate those individuals and read about their stories . Inspiration from others will inspire
you and help to visualize your future success. Knowledge is power and will provide the energy
that you may need to propel you out of a slump.

3. Create Anticipation and Posting Goal: Set a date to achieve this goal and begin outlining a plan of action. Post these reminders
in noticeable sites which will keep your energy and excitement going.

4. Publicity and Support: No one wishes to be ridiculed or held in disfavor if we announce our goals publicly. If we spotlight our
plans to reach our goal to others, we will be more inclined to find our motivation to succeed. It is,
indeed, difficult to achieve our goal without the support of others. Therefore, finding a social network
to encourage and guide us to the finish line is so important in our success.

5. Ebbs and “Never Give Up”: Motivation is not a constant flow of energy but does wane and upsurge like the tide. Achieving a goal
is comparable to a long journey and we do find bumps along the path of success and we must keep on
pushing along. Never give up!

6. SOS and Focus on the Benefits : Do call out for help if you find that you can’t continue. Rely on the support of family, friends
and experts to appeal for support in order to continue on your journey to success. When we focus
on the difficulty of a goal it will diminish the thrill that you will experience when you achieve
success. The benefits of this strategy will energize you considerably.

7.Negative Self Talk: In order to continue on this journey to reaching your goal, it is relevant to monitor your thoughts.
Recognize negative self-talk which considerably zaps your energy level. Replace the statement, “This
is too hard!” and replace it with “I can do this!”.

It is hoped that we all will reach our goals with these suggestions and I will continue to reach my goal of writing and perhaps achieve my specific goal to continuing with posting next time with additional suggestions in finding the motivation to succeed. Please do let us hear your voice and what you are feeling about this topic.

What is this thing called Motivation and How do I find it?

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As noted by the illustrations above, the depiction of motivation is a central theme. What is this thing called motivation? Motivation encourages us to achieve our goals and generates the energy to reach those goals. Daniel Goleman,the author of books on Emotional Intelligence, identified four aspects of motivation;

1. Personal drive to achieve, the desire to improve and meet certain
standards.
2. Commitment to personal goals.
3. Initiative and the readiness to act on opportunities.
4. Optimism or the ability to keep going and pursue goals in the face
of setbacks.

According to research, people who are self-motivated tend to be highly organized, possess time management skills and exhibit high self esteem and confidence. There are two kinds of motivations, intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation causes one to perform due to internal feelings such as love, pleasure and personal challenge. For example, gaining much satisfaction and self- fulfilment in a profession. Extrinsic motivation is associated with the need to attain a reward such as money or power. An example of this is one who works at a job that is not fulfilling just to pay off a mortgage.

How do we find the motivation that is needed to reach our goals? Setting high but realistic goals is most relevant.You must have the ability and the skills to achieve your dream. Seeking constant feedback in order to improve your performance is most important. One should not be ashamed to seek the support of a mentor in the search for success. Be acutely aware of opportunities and grasping them when they appear.Knowledge is power and always keeping up on what is happening around you is important also. Most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP, a motto that I have always followed and the topic of a recent posting on my blog. You need to have the strength to accept setbacks and to learn from your mistakes. Assess the obstacles in your path on the journey to success.Your self esteem and trust in yourself is so important and a relevant variable in the equation of motivation.

I, personally, have experienced significant setbacks and disappointments in my life but I did find the strength to “pick myself up and start all over again.”
Never give up on yourself and your goals and miraculously you will be celebrating your achievements in life.

Please do let us hear your voice and your feelings about this topic.

Never Give Up

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This posting will be a tribute to the motto, NEVER GIVE UP, a concept that was instilled to all of the children in my Character Counts, national character building program. These next posts that I will be presenting are far more meaningful to me than my other topics of racism, bully and illness. These words are meaningful and do come from my heart.

I needed to abide by those words, “never give up” in order to overcome three bouts of cancer, the writing, publishing and marketing of my first book and the motivation to keep publishing these blogs in spite of the fact that I do not have a large following. I recently responded to the blog on the topic of jealousy that was written by Danielle Steel, a very successful author. I did model my book, FAMILY SECRETS: A JOURNEY OF GOOD AND EVIL,on her writing style and genre.My motivation in responding to her blog was to capture her attention in hopes of having her visit my website, familysecrets:tateauthor.com and by some miracle , read my book. I never give up! In this response , I did acknowledge her theory on jealousy and provided my own issues with jealousy for other authors that I do know personally who have reached much success in the marketing of their books.

What is the correlation between Danielle Steel’s blog on “jealousy” and my blog on motivation and never giving up? As noted in Steel’s blog, jealousy is a negative reaction and such negativity does diminish any motivation to succeed since this emotion does impact upon the ability to never give up. We assume that another’s success indicates that you lack the ability to perform and to achieve your goal.Jealousy does impair our belief in ourself and instills a negative belief that we are not good enough and causes one to give up.

Thomas Edison invented the incandescent light bulb. He is said to have failed trying many, many thousands of times before he finally got it right. He is a great example of how determination will keep one going in spite of their perception of failure. Instead of giving up after all of his failures, he kept trying until he succeeded. His persistence did light up the world! Edison stated, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” He never gave up!

It is one’s attitude and responses to life situations which dictate how you feel. Difficulties are a normal part of life and we all have to face them daily and sometimes these problems are very overwhelming to overcome. If you can change your attitude towards these problems and perceive them as challenges, you will then become motivated not downcast in effecting change in your life. A challenge is an opportunity to succeed. Life is a learning experience, positive or negative and we must never give up. In order to live in this world, I had to look upon cancer as a challenge and I never gave up fighting or living. I will continue to market my book and write my blogs and never give up!

In my next post, I will continue to discuss strategies on the topic of never giving up on your goals and challenges in life.

Please do let us hear your voice and tell us how you feel about this topic.

The Emotional and Physical Pain of Illness

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It has been quite some time since I posted my last blog. I have written on the subjects of the pain of racism, the pain of bullying and, now, I am posting a blog on the subject of the emotional pain of illness. Each one of these topics has touched upon my life and experiences and my absence from the submission of my blogs is significantly related to my own experience with illness. I do so wish to share these personal events with all of my readers and, perhaps, provide much information and coping skills for both the victim of an illness as well as the family and friends of a patient.

My personal revelation involves emergency surgery due to acute hemorrhaging attributed to radiation cancer treatment years ago. My bladder was the site of this traumatizing event and, due to the extent of radiation damage, this organ is significantly destroyed. I now must live with a chronic disease and, as documented in the following research, I do need to practice what I preach as a clinical psychologist.

Distress is quite common following a chronic disease diagnosis. Research indicates that people who are experiencing a number of stressful life events and processing the news of a diagnosis can experience a flood of emotions. Grief is a common reaction with various stages of denial, bargaining and sadness.One may feel that they are on an emotional roller coaster but this experience is quite normal and will ease with time. Facing your diagnosis is the only way to cope with illness. Knowledge is power and bringing with you a comprehensive list of questions and concerns to your doctor is an excellent strategy in coping will illness and providing one with feelings of empowerment.

It is important to surround yourself with positive and supportive people who can assist you in managing your disease. Accompanying you to medical appointments and being a second pair of ears with additional questions for the doctor is a relevant request for those who are assisting you. If there are children ( youngsters or young adults) in the family, it is advised that you should be honest but not too graphic about the disease. Fear of the unknown does provoke much fear and anxiety within a family.

In my next post, I will expand on this topic and provide additional strategies in coping with the emotional and physical pain of illness.

Please do let us hear what your feelings are about this latest topic.

Interventions Against Bullyism

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I will begin this post with the cardinal rules and interventions in fighting back bullying:

1. You are not to blame for this aggressive behavior
2. You must not feel that this behavior is acceptable
3 You have the right to terminate such negative behavior
4. You have the right to complain and report bullying
5. You have the right to confidentiality from those who are aware of bullying
6. You have the right to dignity and respect as a victim of bullying

In order to regain control of the situation, you must recognize what is happening to you. Accept the fact that you are being bullied and it is the bully who has the problem and it is projected onto you.A method of immediately addressing the actions of a bully, if you are comfortable with this technique, is to approach the bully and state the following;

“I wish to make it clear that your behavior is unacceptable. I find it distressing and I want it to stop now.”

Of course, you should use this statement in your own words and display courage and strength no matter how frighten you might feel in confronting this aggressive individual. Perhaps having a friend accompany you during this conversation would be more comfortable. It is advised that, upon completing this statement, you do not discuss the action of the bully or make any comments other than “The matter is closed.”

You should not accept criticisms and allegations about you or your performance since this is about the hostile behavior of the bully.As a victim of a bully, you may feel shame, embarrassment, guilt or fear. These behavioral reactions are quite normal but misplaced and inappropriate. These reactions are the desired feelings of control that is the goal of the bully.

You may feel that you need help and there is no shame or failure in seeking personal support. Bullies are devious, deceptive and manipulative and you may not be capable of handling this assault alone. Indeed, children who are bullied are primarily in need of the support of parents and school personnel.

Keeping a journal on the number of incidents is relevant in providing evidence of this chronic bullying in preparation for legal action to stop this behavior. Keeping copies of emails, memos or a log of incidents is recommended in order to provide proof of the bully’s behavior since they will always deny their actions. If there is a need to seek emotional or physical intervention, it is relevant to document the cause of these problems.

Much of the suggestions and interventions above are relevant to adult victims of bullies. Childhood interventions require parents, teachers and school administrators to intervene. It is important that parents observe closely any changes in their child’s behavior as described in an earlier post. It is important to urge a child to disclose any bullying that has occurred to them or that they have observed at school. Disclosure can eliminate bullying from continuing and prevent victims from experiencing emotional damage or physical symtons from being victimized. Bullying must be stopped! So many of our children have taken their lives as a result of this evil behavior. It takes a village to protect our children.

Please do let us hear your voice and what you are feeling about this topic.

Cyberbullying: Another Painful Assault

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As noted by the images above, the use of the internet has provoked such distress and pain for victims of cyber bullying. In defining cyber bullying,it is indeed bullying that takes place using electronic technology, not the fists or physical assaults. Electronic technology includes devices and equipment such as cell phones, computers and tablets as well as communication tools including social media sites, text messages, chat and websites. Examples of cyber bullying include mean text messages or emails, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites and embarrassing pictures, websites or fake profiles.

Children who are being cyber bullied are often bullied in person as well. Additionally, children who are cyber bullied have a more difficult time in avoiding this behavior and escaping from this bully.

These are some statistics about cyber bullying;

– It can happen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and reach a child even when he or she is
alone. It can happen any time of the day or night.

– Bulling messages and images can be posted anonymously and distributed rapidly to a vast
audience. It can be most difficult and sometimes impossible to trace the source.

-Deleting inappropriate or harassing messages, texts and photos is extremely difficult
after the posting has been sent.

The effects of cyber bullying upon the victim has grave consequences as noted by the following
research. Victims may;

– Use alcohol and drugs to cope with this painful experience

– Become truant from school

– Further in person bullying may occur to compound this assault.

– Poor grades may result due to all of the stress and tension from such bullying

– The self esteem of this victim may diminish significantly

– Because of all this stress and fear, health problems may occur

The following statistics are frightening;

– Nearly 43% of children have been bullied online and 1 in 4 children have had
this experience more than once.

– Over 80% of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for
cyber bullying.

– 68% of teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem.

-81% of young people believe that bullying online is easier to get away with than
bullying in person

-Only 1 in 10 victims will report this to a parent or trusted adult

-Girls are almost twice as likely as boys to be victims of cyber bullying

-Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide.

– Approximately 75% of students admit that they have visited a website bashing another
student.

What can be done to address this problem that not only impacts upon children but adults as well?
First of all,don’t blame yourself! This bully is obviously a dysfunctional person who needs help
and you do not own the problem.This bully is an unhappy, frustrated person who wishes to have control over your feelings so that you will bare the burden of his or her pain.

Do save the evidence of the cyber bully and turn it over to a capable person or a law enforcement officer. Report threats of harm and inappropriate sexual messages to the police and perhaps these actions may be able to be prosecuted by the law. Keep reporting each and every piece of evidence until this bully is apprehended.

Prevent communication from this bully by blocking email addresses, cell phone numbers and deleting them from social media contacts. You could report this abuse to their internet service provider(ISP). Their actions may constitute a violation of the website’s terms of service.

Yes, any form of bullying does significantly impact upon the victim’s life. Reports of suicide, physical and emotional illness are results of this aggressive behavior. As noted in the media,there are so many reports of youngsters taking their lives because they could not tolerate this destructive behavior. It is time to be aware of this dysfunctional behavior and seek help for both the bully and the victim. Do be aware and informed about this epidemic that destroys lives and could touch yours or someone you know.

Let us hear your voice and your feelings about this topic. My next post will summarize the interventions in preventing and eradicating all forms of bullying.

It Hurts So Much!! Victims of Bullies

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Who is most likely to be a victim of a bully? These poor victims that have been depicted in the photos above have characteristics such as physical weakness and are easily distraught emotionally. They may also have physical characteristics that make them easier targets for bullies such as being overweight or having some type of physical deformity.Boys are more likely to be victims of physical bullying while girls are more likely to be socially bullied.In general, these victims do not have nor have been taught social problem solving skills.

Victims of bullies may come home with unexplained injuries or with damaged or missing clothing or possessions and do not reveal these assaults with their family. They exhibit changes in eating habits, make excuses not to go to school, acts out of character and has fewer friends. Sleeping difficulties are evident and, in essence, the nervous system of these victims is on overdrive. Anxiety can also be evident and keeps these children up at night or cause frequent nightmares.

According to bullying statistics of 2014, the following data is provided;

Over 3.2 million students are effected by bullying each year.

1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will intervene only 4% of the time.

17% of child victims report bullying 2 to 3 times a month.

71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem in their schools.

Physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school. Verbal abuse remains constant.

Girls bully in groups more than boys do.

There is significant research which indicates that either adult or child victims of bullying are at risk of stress related illness which can possibly lead to suicide. Those who have been the targets of bullying can suffer from long term emotional and behavioral problems. Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety and lead to low self esteem and increased susceptibility to illness.

Even though there is evidence that bullying increases the risk of suicide, bullying alone does not cause suicide. Depression is one of the main reasons why children who are bullied commit suicide. Lack of support from family and friends can be factors in depression and suicide. Hence, a major factor in the prevention of depression and potential suicide is the love, support and acute awareness of any changes in the victim by parents and friends as well as teachers.

Looking at the tortured faces of a victim of a bully as noted above, does demonstrate the intense pain that they are experiencing and no child or adult should be allowed to suffer in such a way when it can be prevented.

My next post will discuss cyber bullying and what defines this behavior and how to prevent this dysfunctional behavior which impacts children as well as adults.

Please do let us hear your voice and what your are feeling about this topic of bullying.